“You’re what?” I say flatly. Mom wiggles her fingers at me.
“Engaged!” she repeats.
“Please tell me this is some sick joke,” I say.
“Now, Travis, we know this is sudden. It’s a surprise for us too. It’s a very big change. But we’re hoping that you’ll learn to accept me as your stepfather. I don’t want to replace your real father, but I do want you to consider me your family. Garen too. Your mother and I hope that one day you can think of him as a brother,” Bill says. I’m going to throw up all over Mom’s shiny new ring.
“Fuck that,” I say shortly, and I take the stairs two at a time. Mom and Bill call for me to come back and talk about this with them, but I can’t. This is just too fucked. I hear Garen right behind me, so I leave my bedroom door open. He shuts it behind himself.
“Th-This is so fucked up,” I say. Garen flops down onto my bed.
“Points for timing, right?” he mutters. I point at him.
“Shut up. Shut up with your stupid jokes, because it’s not funny. ‘I hope you can think of him as your brother.’ How sick, Garen. How fucking sick.” I’m officially into rambling mode.
“It’s not like they knew,” he says gently.
“And it’s not like it matters. You are going to be my stepbrother, and you just got through fucking me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I demand.
“Yeah, it means we’ll figure it out. But you freaking out right now isn’t going to help anything,” he says. He’s calm. Too fucking calm. I grab my Microbiology textbook off the desk and throw it across the room as hard as I can.
“Nothing can fucking help anything!” I shout. Garen stands up abruptly.
“Travis—”
“Stop it! Nothing you say can change it! Nothing you say can make it better! Nothing—”
He pulls me forward by my shoulders and kisses me hard on the lips. I let him, maybe even reciprocate a little, and then he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.
“If nothing I say can change anything, then nothing they say can change anything either,” he says. I shake my head.
“Wrong. They’ve got two words on us, Garen. ‘I do.’ That changes everything. We’ve got nothing to compete with that,” I say. He pulls back a little more and fixes his eyes on mine like he’s trying to decide what to do. Finally, he brushes his palm over my cheek and shuts his eyes, inclining his head slightly.
“Then what about three?” he asks. I stare at him.
“What are you talking about?” I ask. He squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter, if possible.
“I lo—”
“Travis? Garen?”
Garen’s eyes fly open, and we both push away from each other in unison as the door opens.
“Evelyn and I really would like to discuss this with you,” Bill says. He’s smiling slightly, almost apologetically. No. Fuck you, asshole.
“I’m tired,” I say flatly. “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
I don’t realize that I’m staring at Garen until his eyes lock on mine. We stare at each other for God knows how long before he turns away.
“Yeah. I’m tired too,” he says. Bill frowns.
“Boys, avoiding this discussion won’t help anything,” he says. I grab the remaining notebooks and papers on my bed and throw them across the room as well. Garen and Bill both flinch.
“I’m not avoiding anything. I just want to go to fucking bed,” I say. Bill stares at the mess of papers all over the floor and slowly nods.
“Alright, Travis. We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says, and he slowly turns around and heads back downstairs. I want to look at Garen, but don’t want to see the look on his face. I curl up in the center of my bed and stare straight ahead at the wall. I can hear Mom and Bill arguing downstairs already, their voices just barely muffled by the floor.
“—out of control, Evelyn.”
“He is not out of control, William! You know what a tough time he had with the divorce, and I doubt that he’s looking for a father figure now, after the experiences he had with that deadbeat bastard he calls a father.”
“That doesn’t mean anything and you know it. Bree had to go through your divorce too, and we both know she won’t react like Travis did. The boy is unstable—”
“He’s a teenager, for God’s sake, Bill, they’re all unstable—”
“Not like that, they aren’t. If you ask me, he needs more counseling, if this is him when he is medicated—”
“But I didn’t ask you, did I?”
“You damn well should’ve, if you can’t see that he’s got problems!”
“Don’t you tell me how to raise my son, if yours has turned out like that!”
“Our sons, Evelyn! They’re supposed to be our sons!”
I feel myself choke and press my palms down hard over my ears. So fucked. The bed shifts as Garen crawls across it to lie down behind me. He carefully pries my hands away from my ears and folds them across my chest. He tugs my blankets up over me and kisses the back of my neck.
“Stop,” I say through clenched teeth. He doesn’t move for a second, just kind of pauses with his arms draped around me. Then slowly, he leans forward so his lips brush against my ear.
“I love you,” he whispers. I can’t breathe. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to, because surely death is preferable to this living hell. I don’t say anything, just tuck myself into an even tighter ball surrounded by blankets. After a minute of silence, Garen rolls off the bed and crosses the room. He turns out the lights, and I can feel him pause in the doorway before he heads back to his own room.
I love you too, I want to say.
I stay silent.
“Engaged!” she repeats.
“Please tell me this is some sick joke,” I say.
“Now, Travis, we know this is sudden. It’s a surprise for us too. It’s a very big change. But we’re hoping that you’ll learn to accept me as your stepfather. I don’t want to replace your real father, but I do want you to consider me your family. Garen too. Your mother and I hope that one day you can think of him as a brother,” Bill says. I’m going to throw up all over Mom’s shiny new ring.
“Fuck that,” I say shortly, and I take the stairs two at a time. Mom and Bill call for me to come back and talk about this with them, but I can’t. This is just too fucked. I hear Garen right behind me, so I leave my bedroom door open. He shuts it behind himself.
“Th-This is so fucked up,” I say. Garen flops down onto my bed.
“Points for timing, right?” he mutters. I point at him.
“Shut up. Shut up with your stupid jokes, because it’s not funny. ‘I hope you can think of him as your brother.’ How sick, Garen. How fucking sick.” I’m officially into rambling mode.
“It’s not like they knew,” he says gently.
“And it’s not like it matters. You are going to be my stepbrother, and you just got through fucking me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I demand.
“Yeah, it means we’ll figure it out. But you freaking out right now isn’t going to help anything,” he says. He’s calm. Too fucking calm. I grab my Microbiology textbook off the desk and throw it across the room as hard as I can.
“Nothing can fucking help anything!” I shout. Garen stands up abruptly.
“Travis—”
“Stop it! Nothing you say can change it! Nothing you say can make it better! Nothing—”
He pulls me forward by my shoulders and kisses me hard on the lips. I let him, maybe even reciprocate a little, and then he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.
“If nothing I say can change anything, then nothing they say can change anything either,” he says. I shake my head.
“Wrong. They’ve got two words on us, Garen. ‘I do.’ That changes everything. We’ve got nothing to compete with that,” I say. He pulls back a little more and fixes his eyes on mine like he’s trying to decide what to do. Finally, he brushes his palm over my cheek and shuts his eyes, inclining his head slightly.
“Then what about three?” he asks. I stare at him.
“What are you talking about?” I ask. He squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter, if possible.
“I lo—”
“Travis? Garen?”
Garen’s eyes fly open, and we both push away from each other in unison as the door opens.
“Evelyn and I really would like to discuss this with you,” Bill says. He’s smiling slightly, almost apologetically. No. Fuck you, asshole.
“I’m tired,” I say flatly. “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
I don’t realize that I’m staring at Garen until his eyes lock on mine. We stare at each other for God knows how long before he turns away.
“Yeah. I’m tired too,” he says. Bill frowns.
“Boys, avoiding this discussion won’t help anything,” he says. I grab the remaining notebooks and papers on my bed and throw them across the room as well. Garen and Bill both flinch.
“I’m not avoiding anything. I just want to go to fucking bed,” I say. Bill stares at the mess of papers all over the floor and slowly nods.
“Alright, Travis. We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says, and he slowly turns around and heads back downstairs. I want to look at Garen, but don’t want to see the look on his face. I curl up in the center of my bed and stare straight ahead at the wall. I can hear Mom and Bill arguing downstairs already, their voices just barely muffled by the floor.
“—out of control, Evelyn.”
“He is not out of control, William! You know what a tough time he had with the divorce, and I doubt that he’s looking for a father figure now, after the experiences he had with that deadbeat bastard he calls a father.”
“That doesn’t mean anything and you know it. Bree had to go through your divorce too, and we both know she won’t react like Travis did. The boy is unstable—”
“He’s a teenager, for God’s sake, Bill, they’re all unstable—”
“Not like that, they aren’t. If you ask me, he needs more counseling, if this is him when he is medicated—”
“But I didn’t ask you, did I?”
“You damn well should’ve, if you can’t see that he’s got problems!”
“Don’t you tell me how to raise my son, if yours has turned out like that!”
“Our sons, Evelyn! They’re supposed to be our sons!”
I feel myself choke and press my palms down hard over my ears. So fucked. The bed shifts as Garen crawls across it to lie down behind me. He carefully pries my hands away from my ears and folds them across my chest. He tugs my blankets up over me and kisses the back of my neck.
“Stop,” I say through clenched teeth. He doesn’t move for a second, just kind of pauses with his arms draped around me. Then slowly, he leans forward so his lips brush against my ear.
“I love you,” he whispers. I can’t breathe. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to, because surely death is preferable to this living hell. I don’t say anything, just tuck myself into an even tighter ball surrounded by blankets. After a minute of silence, Garen rolls off the bed and crosses the room. He turns out the lights, and I can feel him pause in the doorway before he heads back to his own room.
I love you too, I want to say.
I stay silent.